Someone asked me the other day how I deal with the nonsense regarding the ex and stay sane. For one I accept that the whole ex/new wife situation is awkward.
There’s a person in this world that can’t stand me. Not because I stole her man or wronged her, but because I married my husband and think he’s an incredible man. Sometimes when you’re a step-Mom there’s a bit of competition. Maybe the kid likes you too much, not enough or just can’t stand you. Maybe the kid loves the step more than the Mom or (the norm) the other way around. There always seems to be this element of competition. I know that many 1st wives revel in the fact that their kid can’t stand the ex. I get it, you’re the Mom and they should love you above all, just like you love your kid above all. But let me tell you, all of that drama is exhausting! And if we all spent less time worrying about other people maybe we would all be a little bit happier.
Let me tell you a little secret about my relationship with my husband ex… we don’t have one and I don’t care. There you go, I said it. Call me mean. We’ve tried to be civil and it really doesn’t seem to work… to the point that she won’t even respond to a text message from me if I send her something relevant to my step son. So, someone throw the flag; call the game, do whatever… we don’t get along and I really could care less. She’s not someone I worry about impressing or want to have in my life. Here’s what I do care about: my kids … yes, that’s plural. I have 2 kids: my son and my stepson. And when my stepson is upset because of drama or nonsense coming from the general direction of his mother, I get upset. And when my husband is upset of drama or nonsense coming from the general direction of his ex, I get upset.
So, how do I deal? BREATHE! Go take a walk, take deep breaths, clear your head, do some yoga (though it doesn’t seem to help me when I’m pissed), and remind yourself what the important things are in life. Your kids, your husband, family, good friends that make you laugh. Those are the things worth getting your blood pressure up, not the drama.
When you feel yourself start to get all kinds up upset about something that isn’t on that important list… BREATHE! And if that doesn’t work have a glass of wine.