Friday, April 26, 2013


Someone asked me the other day how I deal with the nonsense regarding the ex and stay sane. For one I accept that the whole ex/new wife situation is awkward.

There’s a person in this world that can’t stand me. Not because I stole her man or wronged her, but because I married my husband and think he’s an incredible man. Sometimes when you’re a step-Mom there’s a bit of competition. Maybe the kid likes you too much, not enough or just can’t stand you. Maybe the kid loves the step more than the Mom or (the norm) the other way around. There always seems to be this element of competition. I know that many 1st wives revel in the fact that their kid can’t stand the ex. I get it, you’re the Mom and they should love you above all, just like you love your kid above all. But let me tell you, all of that drama is exhausting! And if we all spent less time worrying about other people maybe we would all be a little bit happier.

Let me tell you a little secret about my relationship with my husband ex… we don’t have one and I don’t care. There you go, I said it. Call me mean. We’ve tried to be civil and it really doesn’t seem to work… to the point that she won’t even respond to a text message from me if I send her something relevant to my step son. So, someone throw the flag; call the game, do whatever… we don’t get along and I really could care less. She’s not someone I worry about impressing or want to have in my life. Here’s what I do care about: my kids … yes, that’s plural. I have 2 kids: my son and my stepson. And when my stepson is upset because of drama or nonsense coming from the general direction of his mother, I get upset. And when my husband is upset of drama or nonsense coming from the general direction of his ex, I get upset.

So, how do I deal? BREATHE! Go take a walk, take deep breaths, clear your head, do some yoga (though it doesn’t seem to help me when I’m pissed), and remind yourself what the important things are in life. Your kids, your husband, family, good friends that make you laugh. Those are the things worth getting your blood pressure up, not the drama.

When you feel yourself start to get all kinds up upset about something that isn’t on that important list… BREATHE!  And if that doesn’t work have a glass of wine.

Friday, April 5, 2013

I Guess That Makes 2 Of Us Mama Bears

Motherhood is a trip. I really thought I would be this cool, laid back Mom. I would be the Mom that all of the kids wanted and could talk to about stuff. Then my son was born…

About a month after he was born I had a realization.  NO ONE on this earth will love my son as much as I do. I’m not talking about romantic love, that’s a different type of love. I’m talking about wanting the best for my son, wanting him to have a good life and protecting him at all costs. I love that guy so much that I will watch Chuggington for the millionth time and sing the damn song because it makes him happy. Once I understood what a responsibility parenthood really is and what my job really entails, the laid back Mama turned into Mama Bear-Mama.

One thing I can say about my mother is that she had gumption. No one walked all over her. And, especially, no one talked about, dealt with or was otherwise involved with her kids without her getting into their business. 

I remember when I was in highschool, in order to avoid the abject humiliation of gym class (and showering with strangers) I signed up for Track. But, I can’t run… seriously I’m 5’1”. How fast can my little legs go?  So, I decided to do shot put and discus. It was easy… and I got out of gym. 

I remember one day at a track meet, my Mom tried to explain to our coach, a short chubby red haired, red bearded, big-lug of a guy, that mathematically speaking, he was teaching to throw the disc wrong. At that trajectory, the thing would never take off. Did I mention my smarty Mom had a degree in math?  The coach was offended and I was embarrassed, though secretly I thought it was awesome that my Mom showed him up. But now I look back and understand her as a mother. Someone wasn’t teaching her daughter how to be the best and she sure as hell would do it if he wasn’t going to.

I just dealt with an ENT who was a real horses ass. Mama Bear came out and decided to get a 2nd opinion. I got on the phone, made an appointment with the pediatrician (whom I love) and got some more information. I figured out the doctor WAS a horses ass, and probably suggested surgery to pay for his boat slip this summer or something like that. I felt really justified in my over protective behavior. I know where I learned it from...  my own Mama Bear.