Could this be the answer to our ear infection problems?

Aside from Cameron heart issue, the only health problem my child has is ear infections. Those damn ear infections! After having an ear infection for 3 months straight, when he was 11 months we had tubes put in. They were a godsend, however Cam still got ear infections. His ears would ooze this yucky yellowish greenish gunk and we knew he had an ear infection. Thank goodness our pediatrician supplied us with a an ample amount of medicated ear drops to help in the event of an infection. Life was going good.

And then the tubes fell out.

A month later he had an ear infection. We couldn't get in to see our normal doctor, so we saw her partner (see my post about the asinine pompous doctor... that would be him). The wanted to take our Cam's adenoids immediately and put in industrial tubes.

I didn't like the guy and we went for a 2nd opinion. The 2nd doctor said the same thing, basically. If he continues to get ear infections then they want to put in heavy duty tubes and take out his adenoids.

I asked the doctor what we could be doing to prevent the ear infections in the first place.

Her answer? "Nothing".

I didn't like that answer. I happened to be talking with someone who gave me a recommendation for a natropath doctor (ND, not an MD). We went to see him and he had several preventative things to recommend.

First, make sure Cam's super healthy. Lots of good food and supplements.

And secondly, use garlic mullein oil at the first sign of infection (a few drops in each ear). I found the oil at whole foods. I'm sure  you can find it online. Two weeks ago Cam was complaining that his ear hurt and it was red. I started using the drops. 2 days later he seemed fine, no redness and no complaints of his ear hurting. A few days after that we happened to be at our ND's office. Ears looked great. No infection. Ask me how much I love this oil?


I wanted to throw this out there that it might be an option for someone else who's having the same issues. As always, check with your doctor before trying to self-medicate. I'm not a doctor, just a Mom who wanted to share what works for us.

Money, Money, Money, Mon-ey. MON-EY!

My hubs just finished going to court with the ex. We won and we lost. Basically, her child support doubled because of her lack of desire to be employed -we lost. The judge sided with us that since she  has no income that my hubs should claim my step son as long as he remains a dependent. That will help, a little at least, with his taxes.

We're still stinging from the increased child support. Even though I work and make a good living, I've gotten into couponing in the hopes of stretching our incomes. I'm literally sorting my coupons when my step son says "my Mom thinks she isn't getting enough money". I commented rather quickly that she is getting a TON of money for child support, especially since she refuses to pay for after school care or sports or anything else that might reduce her sole stable source of income ... child support.

I apologized right after I said it. I hate saying mean things about my husband's ex in front of his son. I always feel that the bad karma will come back on me.

I'll admit that I have some things down in regards to this step Mom gig. I make a mean PB&J, watch silly movies with my step son, try to make him feel like he's as special to me as my son. What I don't know how to handle is his mother's poor attitude.

She, like many people, feel entitled. And, I'll admit to you right now that my husband SHOULD pay some child support. But that means that she should be spending at least some of that money on my step son. When we have to buy shoes and backpacks and socks and plain white t-shirts because she tells him that they're poor and don't have the money, well... it sticks in my craw.

And, I'll be honest, I don't know the best way to handle it. I know that I should take the high road. I know that I shouldn't any attention to her shenanigans. I know that it's not about me or her, it's about my step son and he will only be his age once. We will never have a do-over with the conversation that we just had and he'll either take away that I hate his mother or that I'm truly trying to listen to what he's staying.  So, it's even less about me and her... it's all about him.

I just have to remind myself of and breathe.

I will never understand why the courts haven't figured out that they are empowering people to be lazy money grubbing pigs. I don't care if you're referring to a Mom or a Dad, there are deadbeats out there.

But what do I know, I'm just the step-Mom, with the friggin' coupons.

Use the good stuff

Yesterday was Mother's day, which always makes me think of my own Mother. She's been going for almost 8 years now. And while I do get sad (sometimes really sad) when I think of what she's missing out on, I have remind myself that that's now life works. We live. We die. And what is in between is the good stuff.

I wanted to do brunch for mother's day, so my husband treated me to quite a nice restaurant where I had two  pomegranate mimosas (they were so good). So for dinner we decided to have a low key meal at home... turkey burgers and sweet potato fries. I cracked open a bottle of wine and before I could pour the wine, I decided to open a box of waterford crystal glasses that were a wedding present. I had not used these beautiful glasses in the 4 years we've been married. So, we had wine (in amazing glasses) with turkey burgers and thought about how special that was. 

I'm going to use those glasses a lot more and make ordinary days, ordinary dinners, a lot more special.

BREATHE!

Someone asked me the other day how I deal with the nonsense regarding the ex and stay sane. For one I accept that the whole ex/new wife situation is awkward.

There’s a person in this world that can’t stand me. Not because I stole her man or wronged her, but because I married my husband and think he’s an incredible man. Sometimes when you’re a step-Mom there’s a bit of competition. Maybe the kid likes you too much, not enough or just can’t stand you. Maybe the kid loves the step more than the Mom or (the norm) the other way around. There always seems to be this element of competition. I know that many 1^st wives revel in the fact that their kid can’t stand the ex. I get it, you’re the Mom and they should love you above all, just like you love your kid above all. But let me tell you, all of that drama is exhausting! And if we all spent less time worrying about other people maybe we would all be a little bit happier.

Let me tell you a little secret about my relationship with my husband ex… we don’t have one and I don’t care. There you go, I said it. Call me mean. We’ve tried to be civil and it really doesn’t seem to work… to the point that she won’t even respond to a text message from me if I send her something relevant to my step son. So, someone throw the flag; call the game, do whatever… we don’t get along and I really could care less. She’s not someone I worry about impressing or want to have in my life. Here’s what I do care about: my kids … yes, that’s plural. I have 2 kids: my son and my stepson. And when my stepson is upset because of drama or nonsense coming from the general direction of his mother, I get upset. And when my husband is upset of drama or nonsense coming from the general direction of his ex, I get upset.

So, how do I deal? BREATHE! Go take a walk, take deep breaths, clear your head, do some yoga (though it doesn’t seem to help me when I’m pissed), and remind yourself what the important things are in life. Your kids, your husband, family, good friends that make you laugh. Those are the things worth getting your blood pressure up, not the drama.

When you feel yourself start to get all kinds up upset about something that isn’t on that important list… BREATHE!  And if that doesn’t work have a glass of wine.

I Guess That Makes 2 Of Us Mama Bears

Motherhood is a trip. I really thought I would be this cool, laid back Mom. I would be the Mom that all of the kids wanted and could talk to about stuff. Then my son was born…

About a month after he was born I had a realization.  NO ONE on this earth will love my son as much as I do. I’m not talking about romantic love, that’s a different type of love. I’m talking about wanting the best for my son, wanting him to have a good life and protecting him at all costs. I love that guy so much that I will watch Chuggington for the millionth time and sing the damn song because it makes him happy. Once I understood what a responsibility parenthood really is and what my job really entails, the laid back Mama turned into Mama Bear-Mama.

One thing I can say about my mother is that she had gumption. No one walked all over her. And, especially, no one talked about, dealt with or was otherwise involved with her kids without her getting into their business. 

I remember when I was in highschool, in order to avoid the abject humiliation of gym class (and showering with strangers) I signed up for Track. But, I can’t run… seriously I’m 5’1”. How fast can my little legs go?  So, I decided to do shot put and discus. It was easy… and I got out of gym. 

I remember one day at a track meet, my Mom tried to explain to our coach, a short chubby red haired, red bearded, big-lug of a guy, that mathematically speaking, he was teaching to throw the disc wrong. At that trajectory, the thing would never take off. Did I mention my smarty Mom had a degree in math?  The coach was offended and I was embarrassed, though secretly I thought it was awesome that my Mom showed him up. But now I look back and understand her as a mother. Someone wasn’t teaching her daughter how to be the best and she sure as hell would do it if he wasn’t going to.

I just dealt with an ENT who was a real horses ass. Mama Bear came out and decided to get a 2nd opinion. I got on the phone, made an appointment with the pediatrician (whom I love) and got some more information. I figured out the doctor WAS a horses ass, and probably suggested surgery to pay for his boat slip this summer or something like that. I felt really justified in my over protective behavior. I know where I learned it from...  my own Mama Bear.

How to Deal With a Narcissist

Recently, I read an article on divorcing a narcissist and, of course, it made me think about my husband’s ex. According the Mayo Clinic website the definition for a narcissist is the following:

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

I read this and thought it was on par with HER personality and what we’ve been putting up with. I also have some advice of my own that might be helpful to someone in my own position.

1)      Do not engage. 

        This advice was given to me by a co-worker who had just gone through a divorce with a real jerk. Her thought was that certain people really get their jollies (as my mother would say) from getting people who are on their S*** list all worked up. What really bothers these people is if you don’t engage them… at all. Just act like nothing bothers you. Whenever my husband’s ex is being a particularly big pill, at the end of the conversation I will say “you have a good day, now”. You can hear the steam rising from her head.

2)      You. Will. Never. Win. 

        I’m not talking about winning the legal battle or winning the “good fight”. I’m talking about winning the argument and getting them to shut up … about anything. You are inferior, they are superior. You are an idiot, they are a genius. One of the funnier things I’ve had to deal with in regards to my husband’s ex is her ego. She will always say “YOU need to pick him up because I have to work. I’m working ALL DAY.” (a) all day… wow, that’s rough. (b) we all work, get over it. (c) I have a master’s degree and work in finance. She has a highschool diploma (maybe) and sells makeup at Macy’s yet her schedule is more important in her eyes… always. There’s no winning that fight. Just try to agree on a time to do the pickup and move on.

3)      Even if they say it's about the kids, it’s never about the kids. 

         It's about them and what they want... Revenge, feeling superior, whatever their messed up psyche desires.

4)      It will never get better.

I remember the time and place when I realized that the situation with my husband's ex will never de-escalate. We were in family therapy and I was particularly annoyed that day. I was “sharing” and just blurted out “it will never get any better. We will be at Jay’s wedding and still have to deal with her badmouthing. Jay will have kids and have to deal with HER trying to alienate the grandkids from us. Her appetite for revenge of some sort will never subside. It will never improve.” I remember feeling so helpless thinking that this crazy person will have a place in my life… always.

5)     Find a way to let it go.

        This is a tough one. Just today I found myself engaging this person who has Jay 9 months out of the year and told that he needs 10 extra days to “prepare for a flight” to see her family. A 10 year old needs 10 day to prepare for a flight? I engaged her and told her that was ridiculous… I set her off into a texting tirade. I should have known better than to tell her that her excuses were ridiculous.

6)      Build a loving home where your values rule.

I found an article last year that talks about how to deal with the child choosing the other family. From the circumstances of the article, it sounded like the child was being trained to alienate the other parent (been there, done that) and how to deal with the aftermath. When you are dealing with a narcissist, the kid is being trained to hate you. And many times, the kid sides with the narcissist because they present themselves as the victim of the scenario. They are so crazy... uh, I mean, persuasive, that you would think that they have to be right. They seem to know what they are talking about right? 

If you are dealing with a narcissist, I'm sorry. Try to remain calm, sane and remember that as much as you want to tell this person to go F themselves, your stepchild will hear it or read it and that will only be used as amo to prove you're the a-hole and the ex is the martyr. As the kids get older, you will have to deal with the other party less and this other person will be less of a thorn in your side. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

Save the whales and the rainforest, and don’t use any plastic and …

I packed my lunch for today, as I do for every day that I’m at work (because I’m cheap and don’t want to pay 10 bucks for a mediocre sandwich from the cafeteria). I was on my way to the kitchen where I was going to add hot water to my organic oatmeal (with organic raspberries, to boot) when a co-worker stopped me to talk. I was chatting with her when she explained to me that cooking in plastic is toxic. The chemicals from the plastic get into your food and slowly kill you. 

Here I am minding my own business, eating my organic oatmeal and berries, and I get a lecture about PLASTIC. I told her that glass just isn’t practical for bringing in my lunch. Honestly I would have to buy a whole new set of glass containers and then what would I do with the plastic stuff that I have? Recycle it, I guess, so someone else can buy plastic containers for their lunch. I digress, my co-workers told me she found some great glass containers at Costco and will bring some in for me. She explained how I can transfer my food from the plastic container that I brought from home to the glass container that I can use to microwave my lunch. I didn’t want to tell her that doubles the amount of dishes that I do for each lunch. I do enough dishes… why do I want to create more work for myself?

I swear, I can’t join every cause! I’m eating organic, non-processed food, but that isn’t enough. I need to use glass only and save the rainforest and whales while I’m doing it, too. Sheesh…